L: Should we talk a little about how you make your private safe space?
Oh, yeah, sure. I do have sensory processing issues, which I am not calling autism spectrum disorder because it wasn’t diagnosed yet, but I’m not neurotypical, that’s for sure (update by Nick: It has been diagnosed now, I’m autistic). So, for the last year or so, I’ve actually been trying to make this space (editorial note: his home in Groningen, where this conversation took place) safe, as safe as possible, and when I went back home, I didn’t even realize how different it was going to be. When I say home, I mean my old room in Poland, which also has been changed by my mom, who put in different lights that are better for her but worse for me, so yeah… Do you want a little tour of all the things here that make it safer for me?
L: Yes!
So, first off, I sometimes get overwhelmed by bright lights, so I didn’t want them here. I have a light that can be adjusted depending on what kind of mood you’re in, what you need. It can be bright, really, really bright, or it can be super dim and chill. And that’s how it is most of the time because I’m mostly overwhelmed by lights these days, because everything is very bright outside. So, there’s that, and then there’s my sleeping light, which is red, so I don’t feel too awake before going to bed.
This system in its entirety probably cost more than the whole bed, including the mattress, but it changed my life.
Then there’s also a clock that monitors these lights, and I basically live by this clock. It turns on at 7 or 6.30, so that when I wake up I don’t have to wake up in the darkness, but I wake up with these fairylights already on. They turn off at 9 and they turn back on at 3 for no particular reason, and then they turn off again at 8 to let me know like ‘Hej, this is sort of the end of the day, it’s time to chill’.
And other than that, with like non-lights, I have a labels-off policy. Not that much anymore, because I have a lot of products now from this one company which has the same packaging for each thing, which is very ecological but also difficult to find stuff, so I have to keep the labels (update by Nick: I took those labels off too and replaced them with tiny labels for names).
But overall, I try to take labels off, I don’t like labels [laughs]. No really, I don’t like labels, and if I can, I remove them. I listened to Marie Kondo’s book, and one of the additional things that she teaches other than what you see in the Netflix show is how overwhelmed we are with the input from the packaging that we buy, and since then I’ve started removing labels, and I cannot explain it, but my eyes are so much more relaxed, I don’t have to process all this information, it’s all chill.
“Since I’ve started removing labels, my eyes are much more relaxed, I don’t have to process all this information.”
Right now it doesn’t seem so, but my desk is also adjusted in the way that, when there is not a lot of stuff on it that’s not supposed to be there, it’s also very streamlined. I used to have a lot of photos, but I actually like it better without them now. It feels more peaceful.
And then there’s the fact that I live with housemates, if you like that’s also part of making a safe space that is important to talk about, since a lot of people in this city live with housemates. So, since I moved in, I’ve been trying to have sort of these conversations with people that were moving in afterwards, to make sure that we’re all on the same page when it comes to ‘Oh, homophobia and transphobia are a red flag, right?’ Right now, I actually really like living in this place with these people. It’s also a mostly queer house, which I absolutely love. I really like this house.
One of the things that recently changed was… we got two new housemates, and for a while… it is sort of difficult to get new housemates when you experience dysphoria. Because right now with my old housemates, I do not care how they see me, as in ‘in what state’, but for a while I was actually layering up with sweaters and stuff in my own house, so I wasn’t comfortable presenting as I am in the place where I’m supposed to be relaxing, which was a bit difficult. But I suppose at this point there’s not a single housemate who hasn’t seen me without my pants on, that’s just the reality of living with people. With underwear on though! I should mention that.
