CONTENT WARNINGS: In this conversation, Nick and Lenh talk about anticipating attacks or harassment (because of misogyny and queerphobia), experiences with misgendering and deadnaming, accessibility-issues in education (particularly with regard to gender, trauma, mental health and neurodiversity), sensory overload, dysphoria and homophobia.
Nick
february 2020
My name is Nick, Nicholas, pronouns he/him. I consider myself to be genderfluid, but on the sort of masculine side to middle of the spectrum, if I have to name it anything. So that means for me that I also experience dysphoria, but it fluctuates from day to day. I am from Poland, but I’ve been in Groningen for almost three years now… I’m studying psychology, that’s my big interest, and other than that, I really like DIYing, I like making things and I like plants. That’s me.
Lenh: That sounds like a lot of different contexts that you’re moving in, lots of spaces to navigate… Can you talk a little about what makes you feel safe in a space?
I think what makes me feel safe in a space depends on what I’m going to the space for.
So, I think that there are different levels of safe spaces, right? There are spaces that I’m going to where I know I will be a little uncomfortable maybe, because they are educational spaces, but overall, I still want to go there. There are spaces where you can expect a confrontation, where you can expect to both question other people’s perspectives and question your own perspective; so in this way it’s not entirely safe, you cannot just be there and enjoy yourself, you have to be ready to criticize yourself, but it’s still a space that I’m willing to exist in, sort of.
And in spaces like those, I think what makes them safe is establishing early on that everyone is on the same page, that everyone is there to learn, and also establishing very early on what discussions are not to be had [laughs], like discussions of the metaphysics of oppression, whether queer people exists, whether privilege exists, whether oppression exists. And even then, these conversations should be respectful; asking a queer person invasive questions about their identity is not educating yourself, it’s ignorance disguised as curiosity.
And then there are spaces where… one thing that I can think of is parties and social spaces in general, I think when it comes to those it’s a little bit tricky for me to decide what makes a space safe, because there are so many nuances. I definitely feel safer in queer spaces, so in gay bars, or at Ganymedes¹ parties, and the Queer Pride Groningen party last year was excellent. So yeah, basically spaces where, I guess, I am allowed to be whoever I want.
But there is also ˗ for me at least, and for most people who are being read as feminine in this society ˗ there is also this additional layer especially when it comes to late night events like parties, where you are not only worried that you might be attacked because you are queer but also because you are read as feminine.
“I really appreciate having a system in place, knowing what to do if something happens.”
Sorry, this went dark as fuck! [laughs] Let’s go to the more positive side of what makes a space safe. So, again, I think group norms specifically, I really appreciated that Queer Pride Groningen for example had a clear code of conduct of what they would and would not tolerate at the party, and that at all times there were mostly people present in all rooms, as far as I’m aware, that would be very visible and you would know that if something was happening that’s the person you could go to. So I really appreciate that, sort of having a system in place, knowing what to do if something happens; for me that is very helpful in general in life, but especially in places that might become less safe. I like knowing what to do, just in case.
L: You mentioned educational spaces and how they can feel less safe, can you maybe say something about your experiences with systems that can make educational spaces safer for you?
I think when it comes to educational spaces, one very obvious one is the university, another one is the GFN², and the way the GFN creates educational spaces is something that I have always appreciated and admired. It’s actually quite similar to what I already talked about, there are moderators, there are group norms³ in place, so very early on it is made clear beyond doubt that this and this is not tolerable, in case something happens we can discuss it and there’s always someone who can jump in and moderate it… So yeah, these things I’ve found very helpful.
Then when it comes to university, it’s a little bit trickier but also I have more experience in actually creating safer spaces at the university⁴, which is just one of my goals in life in general. I mean, I’ve been teaching for two years, and for these two years, I’ve been advocating for changes to the curriculum, and in how we teach teachers how to teach, because when it comes to for example the course that I’m teaching right now, it took a lot of my own initiative in order to make the space as safe as possible for the students I teach, and that’s all fine, but I also think that these things…
This should not be my job. This should be the job of people who are my supervisors and coordinators of the course, to put in place ways to make this educational space safer.
“It took a lot of my own initiative in order to make the space as safe as possible for the students I teach.”
So one of the most obvious things were of course talking about pronouns, again having group norms for discussions ˗ I’m pretty sure that one was actually something I learnt from the coordinators of the course, like I learnt a whole lot about group norms on that course, so that was helpful. But yeah, also content warnings, stuff like that, I pretty much suggested this during meetings with coordinators, and it was all more from my initiative than from the syllabus.
¹ ganymedes LGBT studentenvereniging groningen
² groningen feminist network
³ e.g. a code of conduct, guidelines clarifying which behaviours are encouraged or not welcome in a specific context.
⁴ rijksuniversiteit groningen