CONTENT WARNINGS: In this conversation, Alexa and Lenh talk about biphobia, feelings of not being accepted, ableism, racial and queer imposter syndrome, being Latina in NL and identity erasure.
Mention of death on page 3.
Alexa
may 2020
My name is Alexa, my pronouns are she and her, and I identify as bisexual. I also identify as queer.
“I use the word ‘bisexual’ because that’s the word I knew at the time when I started to realize how I felt, and that’s the name I felt comfortable giving to it.”
I feel like I should address this, because I think that it is always a thing that people who identify as bisexual have to address: I use the word ‘bisexual’ because that’s the word I knew at the time when I started to realize how I felt, and that’s the name I felt comfortable giving to it. Getting more involved with the LGBT+-community made me realize that there’s the idea of being pansexual, and that’s also a really valid identity, but it’s just not the word I felt and feel most comfortable using for myself.
So, I just kinda stick with bisexual, because I have always felt that bisexual was not a trans-excluding identity. I just feel like it means that I’m attracted to people of my own gender and people of other genders, so it basically means to me that I can be attracted to people regardless of gender, while still accepting gender identity as an important part and aspect of who they are as a person. So that’s how I identify.
I work for a non-profit organisation that organises projects for children who grew up in families and neighbourhoods with socio-economic disadvantages. I wanted to work for a non-profit organisation once I graduated, and it took me a while to get here, but I’ve been working here for seven months now. I’m really excited about that, and I think that’s a really important expression of who I am, so I do a lot of advocacy work, I’m privileged to have that built into my work life.
And then in my personal time, I like to do Yoga, I really like to read, and I just like talking, connecting with people, meeting with people, low-key, to talk about ideas and stuff. And I’m still someone who really likes the academic world and theory and all that, so it’s always fun to meet people and talk about those things. So, I try to join organisations that, like the GFN and the GFN Book Club, that help me find like-minded people.
Lenh: And when you’re looking for organisations like that, what is something that makes you feel welcome in these spaces, that makes you want to come back?
I think it helps to be as accessible as possible, so I do appreciate how the GFN has this whole idea of actively trying to accept people of a lot of different identities and backgrounds, and I think the ability to talk about different ideas and to debate them does make it feel more accepting. To be honest, I don’t know if there’s ever gonna be a perfect group where you always feel accepted all the time, where you always feel like ‘Oh, these are exactly my type of people’, because if it’s a big organisation there’s going to be a lot of people with a lot of viewpoints.
Even if it’s just a small group, I think everybody has had moments where they’re like ‘Hm, I don’t feel like this part of me is accepted’, or ‘I feel like this is something other people definitely don’t agree with but I feel is true’ or whatever, but I think that’s ok. I don’t think people have to agree with every part of you or with everything that you say for you to feel welcome and accepted, because maybe it’s important to remember your own self-worth, and remember that you contribute to the group and make the group more diverse and that’s a good thing, even if other people don’t always agree with you, so.
I think being able to have a discussion, ask questions and get people’s answers to them, and always having everybody be willing to learn and never having anybody assume that they are an expert in anything, that does help.
