CONTENT WARNINGS: In this conversation, Milly and Lenh talk about migration experiences, gender identity, exclusive sizing in fashion, transphobia (and losing family support because of it), colonialism and elitism in academia, having to be resilient, feeling isolated in your communities bc of your black or queer identity, censoring yourself.
Mention of RuPaul on page 6.
Milly
march 2020
@beautyquing (instagram)
@beautyquing (facebook)
Beauty Quing (youtube)
My name is Deyone Millana Giuseppe, Milly for short. I am from Trinidad and Tobago. I came to the Netherlands in 2013, on my birthday. I was tired of the state of living in my country, because I had gone through a lot and it was just getting worse, so I decided to leave, and I gave that as a birthday gift to myself in 2013.
“There’s no right term for what I am, you know, that’s so unique.”
My pronouns are she/her. But while I feel like she/her, I also feel like nothing, I feel like myself, not like any of those pronouns can sum up who I am, you know? Because I always say that the totality of somebody is not just their sexuality or their gender, and then everybody has a bit of femininity and a bit of masculinity. So there’s no right term for what I am, you know, that’s so unique. I think that’s why I would say I also identify as maybe genderfluid, but I’m also ok with she/her, because I do know that I kinda embody what people would maybe see as she/her, and I’m ok with that, too. But ultimately, I think, that’s how I see gender and also my own gender, so, yeah.
I like music, I like making music. And that’s what I want; I think the energy I have to spend on university I really want to spend on making art, writing songs, making music. I’m studying Minorities and Multilingualism at the University of Groningen, but I might go to school in Amsterdam, maybe to do either music or a fashion degree, because I really, really, really love clothes! I have big feet, and for example it’s really hard to find comfortable shoes for somebody who has bigger feet. I think they make it as if women’s shoes have to be a certain size, they’re smaller than men, but I feel like that shouldn’t be the case, I feel like we should have clothes for everybody, any body, any size. And I am transgender, but there are also ciswomen who have bigger feet, you know, and that’s okay. And they should have comfortable, stylish shoes.
So yeah, I would love to make shoes and clothes, because I just think being somebody of that experience, I would make clothes that would fit, especially I would do it for people who are taller, because that’s where it’s lacking. But I would also make things just for anybody who wants to wear shoes and wants to be comfortable, because it’s ok to have a bigger size.
That’s kind of my hobbies, but I like travelling also, and I like dancing, I wanna also do that. I think I have so much dreamed up in my head… I would love to be a choreographer. I don’t know how I’m going to do all of that, but hopefully it comes true [laughs].
“I have so much dreamed up in my head… I don’t know how I’m going to do all of that, but hopefully it comes true.”
And with my studies… While academia has taught me a lot, I don’t feel comfortable in the academic sphere, because there’s so much of this battling between decolonisation and the same patriarchal systems for me. I know there’s a lot of that everywhere in the world, but I feel like there’s this big war going on between that and especially me and my identity, and I feel like it’s too much for me to deal with.
So I’d rather do my activism on my own with art that I like to do and that gives me more energy, than get mad all the time reading about stuff and having to write stuff, I’d rather let it out with my art… So, that’s one of the reasons I want to leave. And I think the reason I actually did university was to show my parents, showing my mother that I could do it. Because my mother told us that academia is the only way to be somebody, and I think that’s one of the reasons I got into it. And then also I wasn’t so well informed when I came to the Netherlands, and I was relying on people to help me make the best decision.
“And I think the reason I actually did university was to show my parents, showing my mother that I could do it.”
In a way, I guess it was the best decision at the time, and things always happen for a reason. I think one of the reasons was to kind of open my eyes, and I feel like not knowing is kinda like being a fool in the dark. And I’m glad that I had the experience to actually be a part of that process in university, which really has taught me how to think critically about how things affect different people, and I’m glad about that. But at the same time, I don’t think it was actually what I am called to do, even if it is part of my process.
So, I’m happy that I did get a chance to go to university. I think it’s not that everybody can do university, and I hate this kind of elitist way that university has… Because even though I know they are now kinda trying to get away from the elitism, trying to be more transparent, trying to share with the public, it’s hard for me not to look at it as elitist. Because it’s always gonna be about you telling people what they can or can’t do because you did some experiments that said this or that, but we never are a hundred percent sure.
