I feel like in every space, there are different ways for creating a safe space, it depends on the people who are there and the people’s interests, because that’s also super cool, when people who are in this space can bring in their interests and their talents, that they can really show what they know and use that as a tool for the community and the space. That makes it safe, I guess, for everybody.
I have an example from this feminist collective that I was a part of. So, we had this person in the collective, she was super enthusiastic and she had very creative ideas, and she was always bringing a lot of input to the group. But then some people started feeling like she was taking the lead in the group, about what projects were actually prioritised inside the collective. I was already living in the Netherlands, but I was going there in July last year, and I was kind of observing it from the outside, and I could actually see that she had really good intentions, and I could also see that there were other things that she wasn’t so good at.
We were also talking about it, they were all texting me separately to talk about the issues and stuff, because I tend to take that role in communities, and I saw that everybody was like… there was this hierarchy that was created, where because she gave so many ideas, she was kind of seen as a leader, but at the same time, it was because they were thinking that bringing ideas was something more valuable than for example someone who can cook a nice cake and set up an event.
So I was like ‘Yeah, she brings a lot of ideas, but you’re super good at writing texts for the Instagram account, and you’re super good at making cakes, and you’re super good at mediating conflicts when we’re at a protest’. So, then I thought, ‘how can we put this into a practical exercise in which we all validate each other’s strengths, and then we can also validate each other’s shortcomings or the things that we’re not so good at?’ For example, I would never want to be in charge of writing things for Instagram.
Then, when I went to Costa Rica, we did this exercise where we had a big paper, and everybody had their own colour and everybody made a drawing, or a symbol, or they just wrote their name, to give themselves a space in the paper, and then they wrote things about themselves that they saw as strengths, and then they also wrote down things they thought they weren’t so good at.
And then we started rotating, and everybody could write something that they really admired in that person and something that they were like ‘Hm, not your strength’. Which was also very confronting, because people are not used to being honest about these things, but that’s also super important in a community, to validate that we are not perfect, and that also creates space for not being good at something, because that’s also ok.
So, everybody wrote something down and while we were rotating, there were certain topics coming up about certain situations that hadn’t gone so well in the past, frustrations and disagreements that people had with each other, and then we started talking about how that related to the strengths and not-strengths that people had written down.
And it became very evident that some people were really good at things relating to care, being aware of the space and people having an anxiety attack, for example, but they are really not as good at counting money, saving money and stuff like that, so that kind of created a conflict at one point.
“Everybody got their space within the space, using their strength.”
When we were talking about it, we reflected about ‘Yeah, but if this person is so good at this, why don’t we create like a space for this person to actually do that in events and in the organization and in the whole collective?’ So, that was really nice to see, how everybody got their space within the space, and using their strength, because that’s also super important for us to feel good about ourselves, to use what we’re good at for something good. It was really nice, and that was an exercise inspired by art therapy that we did. It was a really cool experience.
L: I can imagine, it does sound confronting but really cathartic.
Yeah, we didn’t have enough time that day, we didn’t finish it, but I feel like it did bring something to the whole process of the collective. I’m not really sure how they are doing right now, because I stepped out of it when I came back to the Netherlands, ‘cause I was like ‘I need to focus here, because this is where I am and I wanna be part of something here’, because I still didn’t have a feeling of community. Now I’m getting to know more people and getting more involved here and that’s super nice.
It was actually very difficult to step out of the collective, I thought about it for two months, ‘cause it was also this thing that was still connecting me to my hometown and this project that I still had in the back of my mind that I wanted to do with my studies, but I was trying to let go and focus here and make space for a new collective or a new project, so… I’m trying to do that now, enter new spaces.
L: That’s quite a process, to find your place in a new space.
Yeah, but I’m feeling very happy with how it’s going up until now and that I’m actually allowing myself to share things from myself that I used to be like ‘Uh, I don’t know if I want to share this with people’. I’m a bit scared to, I don’t know, be the weird one, but now I’m like ‘It’s okay, I’m weird, okay?’
L: Thank you so much for this conversation!
“I’m a bit scared to, I don’t know, be the weird one, but now I’m like ‘It’s okay, I’m weird, okay?’”
